My Mistress
The place glowed of candlelight, adorned on the walls were crosses and holy objects of gold and silver. Each lined with different jewels and precious stones. Upon the ceiling an epic painting of angels and warring daemons, depicting the eternal struggle of mankind. Stained glass windows reflected the dim moonlight in various colors across the old wood. Rows of pews made their way up to the beautiful altar on which a large cross stood upright. Behind the altar, in the center of the cathedral was a depiction of the Christ hanging on the cross, nails pierced through his skin, a vicious crown of thorns embedded into his head. A representation of the pain, suffering, and the sin of the world.
Suddenly the doors were thrust open and there stood a beaten man, dripping with tears and blood from open wounds. He was half naked, only a pair of torn pants to cover his mangled body. A priest hurried to him, clothed in black, head shaven and eyes filled with experience.
Father! I need forgiveness! He said between broken breaths. I have escaped my mistress so close to death! She is coming and she is filled with anger and malice at my escaping! Protect me Father! the man cried, his voice shaking.
My son, be calm, nothing can hurt you now. Please tell me of your mistress. Be at peace, she is not with you now. the priest said, raising the poor soul to his feet.
She is everywhere! She holds over all like me! She demands hold and promises me happiness if I give in
I always do Father
I cannot resist the will of my Mistress
I and many others are at her command. Forever and always Father
even now
only in death may we escape her clutches. he spoke, his eyes staring up to the Christ hanging upon the cross.
Do you not understand my son? You are free from her. She cannot hurt you here, we shall protect you.
No Father
he laughed. It is you who does not understand.
The priest was puzzled at the statement, never before had someone not been soothed by the protection of the church.
She rests in my thoughts, the peoples thoughts, even your mind is home to her. Her influence is greater then the leaders of all the world. Her wish is the law of the earth. the man continued.
Please my son, tell me more of this Mistress, what does she look like so we may find her and put her through judgment for the pain she has caused. the priest promised.
My Mistress
her hair the softest in the world
pricks you like a bed of needles. Her face is alluring beauty, horrific disgust. Her body, invites any soul who wishes her pleasures, she destroys anyone who does so. She is a façade, a masquerade! Her voice soothes the soul and devours the mind! Dont you know who I speak? I need release
but I can not have it! None shall be free from the everlasting bondage of my Mistress! the man exclaimed. He turned his face downward, asking for silent forgiveness.
The priest, eyes wide open, hands outstretched asked,
Who is your Mistress!?
The man looked into his eyes and cried,
My Mistress is Sin.














Comments
This is my new favorite piece of yours.
The "to" in paragraph twleve should be "too."
Also, try fixing a few odd sentences, such as:
'Upon the ceiling an epic painting that depicted angels and warring daemons, the eternal struggle of mankind.'
'"My son, be calm, nothing can hurt now..."'
'"Not shall be free from the everlasting bondage of my Mistress.'
(and just a few others here and there)
Other than that, this was very, very good.
I particularly enjoyed how you descibed the man's "mistress." Very accurate, indeed.
The details were emaculate, well-placed, and not boring in the slightest.
Works like this show that you don't need pages worth of detail. All you need is the right words, interesting desciptions, and a bit of suspense; Short, but effective.
--
Open Commissions!!! (as low as 3 USD)!!! -----> [link]
Manga for Sale!!-----> [link]
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There is no such thing as innocence, only varying degrees of guilt.
I like pieces like that.
--
Open Commissions!!! (as low as 3 USD)!!! -----> [link]
Manga for Sale!!-----> [link]
--
There is no such thing as innocence, only varying degrees of guilt.
--
Open Commissions!!! (as low as 3 USD)!!! -----> [link]
Manga for Sale!!-----> [link]
--
There is no such thing as innocence, only varying degrees of guilt.
--
"Once upon a time, there lived a maiden who wished to tell the one she loved her feelings, but couldnt. She refused nourishment and sleep, and finally died. The man, without ever knowing of her love, married another woman and live happily ever after."
--
There is no such thing as innocence, only varying degrees of guilt.
you're brillant.
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I could write it better than you ever felt it...
"I pronounce you a husband and domain. You may kiss.html the site."
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